Finding Balance & Letting Go

balance, trust, let go, self-care

I’d describe myself as an ‘all or nothing’ person, so learning to find balance never came easy to me and it’s something I have to work on daily to maintain; we all do.  And as a self-confessed control freak learning to let go was perhaps even harder to do, however with my determined spirit I found a way!

In my quest I found 3 tools to be invaluable.  Each is simple in theory but not so simple in practise.

Push, push, push

We live in a world where we’re encouraged to push push push, however balance requires less pushing and more being.

We are taught to think our way out of problems but balance requires that we feel our way too.

And in a world where we are expected to multi-task, balance requires us to be grounded in this moment, fully immersed in our current task, and only that one.

Can you imagine just being in this moment right now, trusting fully that all your future moments will be taken care of?

Can you imagine feeling instead of thinking your way through life, following your heart no matter what the head says?

And can you imagine being so fully immersed in this moment that all thoughts of the past or future cease to exist?  It seems almost impossible right?

Here are my 3 top tips to help you achieve the balance you crave so you can be happy now.

  1. Trust & let go

“Fear of water” she said.  As soon as she uttered the words I was transported back to the edge of the pool where at 9 years old I held on tightly gasping for air.  My brother’s laugh, muffled by the water, swam around my mind as I tried to push myself up for air.  He kept pushing me under, I couldn’t breathe, and I began to panic.

During the edit with my kinesiologist I could see myself holding on so tight, I was so consumed by the fear that I couldn’t find the solution.  I was being controlled by my circumstances instead of controlling them.   ‘let go and trust’ I heard whisper through my mind, so I did, I let go of the side of the pool, pushed off and floated on my back ‘trust you will always be supported.  The universe has your back’ I heard just as she announced “that’s it the correction is done, the fear has been released”.

Learning to let go and trust when we are so used to being in tight control is no easy task but trust me if you do everything you are working towards will come to you so much easier and so much quicker.

That’s why when I was told recently to take the summer off I listened.  I let go completely and trusted fully that the current of life would lead me to where I needed to be and it has, beautifully.

Action step:

Where are you holding on too tightly and trying to control the situation? How can you let go and trust?  Listen for the answer and it will come.

Imagine you are handing over your situation to the universe and then lye back (literally) and imagine you are floating in beautiful calm waters and the current is carrying you to exactly where you need to be.

Stop trying to think your way out and learn to feel instead.

  1. Refill your reserves

Another non-negotiable part of finding balance is through the art of self-care.  This is something most women REALLY struggle with.

There are 2 main reasons we struggle with self-care:

  1. We don’t think we deserve it
  2. We’re afraid of the silence

Of course we aren’t always consciously aware of this but in my work with clients this is what I see time and time again.  Self-care seems to come with a huge side portion of guilt.  And after a life time of not feeling good enough and suppressing our emotions the silence that often accompanies self-care can be deafening,

When we are running on empty we become tired and cranky, maybe even a little resentful.  When running on empty becomes the norm, which it has for many, it has serious implications on our health and sense of self.  “I don’t even know who I am any more” are words I hear time and time again.

When you put your energy and well-being first, everything else is easier.  To consider self-care selfish is the biggest block to living a balanced life.

Action step:

What fills you up?  If you had 10 minutes to relax would you read, exercise, write, draw, phone a friend or take a bath?  It’s easy to refill our reserves; you just have to be committed to doing it.

The most powerful tool to refill our reserves is deep breathing.  Spending just a few moments focused on the breath will restore your energy, open you up to receive and ground you in the present moment, that’s the most powerful place in the world to be.  Right here, right now.

Every day, as often as you can, spend a few moments just focused on your breath.  It’s the little things that make the big changes.

  1. Grounding

Over the years I have spent more time in my head day dreaming about the future I want to create than I have in my body living the life I have now.

I’m all about creating the life we want to live but we can only do that when we’re grounded in the present moment and happy now.  Balance requires knowing what you want and being fully present in this moment to receive it.  When we’re un-grounded we can experience any of the following symptoms:

  • Dizziness
  • Daydreaming
  • A feeling of being ‘Spaced Out’
  • Clumsiness
  • Falling asleep when meditating
  • Forgetful

However when we are fully grounded we get to enjoy the moment, whilst knowing all others are taken care of.  When we are present now, the future we wish to create can come to us easily because we’ve let go of the lack of it and the need to ‘do’ something to push forward.  We basically get out of our own way.

Action step:

To ground yourself simply focus on your breath whilst holding a stone for a few moments.  Or imagine roots growing out from your feet and deep into the earth.  Spend some time in nature and use all of your senses to take in your environment and immerse yourself in the moment.

Ground yourself throughout your day and you’ll start to feel the difference.

As i said the theory is simple, its the practise that’s tricky, you have to commit 110% to make the changes you want to make and to accept that it can actually be a lot easier than you think when you let go, listen to how you feel, honour your needs and train your mind to be right here, right now.

If you need some help finding balance I am offering ‘Summer Self-care Strategy Sessions’.  I only have 5 places available, which must be booked and taken by Thursday 26th of August.  In this 1 hour session we will delve into your current self-care regime and work out a Strategy for Success so you have a daily self-care regime that is manageable and tailor made for you, the perfect balance!  The session costs just £40, email support@vickydrake.com to book.

Here’s to a beautifully balanced summer, or what’s left of it!

Vicky x

The Balanced Living Coach

3 lessons you can learn from a rainbow about overcoming challenges

challenges, hope, rainbow, lessons,

It appears to be another fabulously wet British summer and with all the fear and name calling flying on Facebook with Brexit I think we could do with a little bit of sunshine and kindness for July.

Things may feel stormy right now but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  If you want things to change you have to be willing to let go of the old and trust that everything will work out OK.

So with all the challenges that are going on right now, for you personally, and for the world at large, here are 3 things you can learn from the rainbow to help overcome them:

  • No matter how grey things look you can always shine your light

The rainbow doesn’t care what’s going on around her.  She knows that she is responsible for her own life.  During a storm it may seem like things are falling apart but she doesn’t say ‘oh it’s too wet and gloomy today I’m not going out in this’ she lets her beauty and brilliance shine whatever.

She doesn’t let anything stand in her way.  When people see her they feel a sense of hope and she lifts them up on an otherwise dark day.

Don’t let outside influences dull your light.  Be your beautiful, brilliant self every day, you never know who your light will touch and what a difference it will make.

Even though things may be difficult we can still be kind, respect each other’s opinions and smile, it costs nothing but might mean the world to someone.

  • Our challenges are the bridge to where we want to be

In many traditions the rainbow represents unity.  It’s seen as a bridge between the earth and the sky.

Our challenges are the bridge between where we are and where we want to be.  It’s through our challenges that we grow the most but we must face them head on, not push them away.

What challenge are you facing right now?  What positive lessons are they teaching you?  When you learn the lesson you can move past the challenge.

Last week I went through my worst fear in terms of my career.  It could have flawed me but I didn’t let it.  I looked at it straight in the face, as painful as it was, and I said what are you here to teach me? I reflected on its lessons and it proved to be the perfect bridge from where I was to where I want to be.  I had some uncertainty and the ‘storm’ helped me to find the clarity I needed.

  • You can focus on the puddles or you can find the rainbow

After the rain if you’re so busy grumbling at the puddles under your feet you will forget to look up and see the beauty of the rainbow.

If you want things to change you have to be willing to get uncomfortable for a while.  Change never happens in the comfort zone.  Look at the bigger picture of your life.  Where are you heading?  What are your goals and desires?

Don’t stand in the puddle (problem) and expect to find hope, to find hope you have to look up, you have to believe that there is a pot of gold at the end of all of this and be determined in your pursuit to find it.

Don’t let your challenges define you, let them refine you.

With love

Vicky xx

Are you a highly-sensitive mum running your own business?  If so I would love to chat with you.  I’m doing some research calls to help hone in on my message and offerings.  This is purely a research call, absolutely no sales pitch involved.  As a thank you for those that take part I would like to coach you on one specific challenge you have in life right now.

I have space for 5 calls, if you fit the description and would like to chat please book a ‘research call’ here 

Thank you x

 

How to turn your struggles into strengths

struggle, strength, purpose, challenge,

A man was watching a butterfly emerging from its cocoon.  It seemed to be struggling and was taking a long time so he decided to help it.  He gently peeled back the cocoon to set the butterfly free.  Sadly it wasn’t able to fly and it died.  What he didn’t realise is that it’s the butterfly’s struggle to break free that builds the strength in its wings to fly.

The same is true for us.

It’s through our struggles that we learn and grow the most and build the strength in ourselves to fly high and fulfil our dreams.

I’ve always been purpose driven but a couple of years ago I went through the most challenging time of my life.  I battled depression, anxiety, an eating disorder and ill health.  I felt like I was merely surviving each and every day.  I couldn’t see how I could ever break free and live the life I had been dreaming of, but it was through those challenging years and my determination to break free from them, that I gained the strength to follow my heart and begin turning that dream into a reality.

I can now look back on those years with gratitude and see them for the gift they were.  They helped me to learn the most valuable lessons of all; self-care and self-acceptance are essential and to create change and live a happy life we must find balance.

How to turn your struggles into your strengths  Continue reading

Your Sensitivity = Strength + 3 ways to honour it

highly sensitive, strength, vulnerability, purpose

My whole life I’ve been told, and thought, I was ‘too sensitive’.  I wished I could grow a thinker skin and not feel things so deeply.  Decisions were painstakingly hard to make.  I’d over-think for hours about things I’d said that might have been misinterpreted, I cared far too much about what other people thought.  Criticism, and the fear of it, would paralyse me and I’d bat off compliments like a tennis pro.

Then last year in my pursuit to ‘find myself’ and create the life I’ve been dreaming of for many years, I discovered that Sensitivity was actually a ‘thing’.  A trait found in 15-20% of the population.

Queue the Halle-fricking-luiah I’m not alone chorus!!

Admittedly at first I struggled to accept this apparent gift.  I’d just spend the past few years trying to ‘fix’ all these things that were wrong with me and now I was being told it was a blessing not a curse.  However, I’ve spent this past year learning to embrace and honour my sensitivity and I can now see it as the super power it really is!

3 ways to honour your Sensitive Super Power: Continue reading

3 ways to find Breathing Space each day (+ free audios)

woman sitting alone

We all need a little Breathing Space from time to time.  Especially mothers.  And if you’re an introverted or highly-sensitive mother then this need increases dramatically.

But most women are overwhelmed by a feeling of guilt every time they take a break.

So we push and push, ignoring the signs of our body.

In this constant state of pushing we’re operating from the sympathetic nervous system (our stress response) where the stress hormone cortisol fills our body and unless we’re taking active steps each day to reduce it, it continues to cause damage to our health and affects every area of our lives.

With all the demands of modern day life and young children how do we find this Breathing Space each day to refill our bodies and reduce stress?

Here are my 3 top tips:

  1.  Release limiting thoughts and emotions

You need to release the current mindset you have towards ‘me’ time and self-care.  We’ve been told to believe its selfish to take time for ourselves and that we must constantly give to others. Truth be told you can’t give from an empty cup.  It’s not wrong to take time to care for your needs and you certainly shouldn’t feel guilty for it!

When you find yourself beating yourself up or feeling guilty because ‘there’s so much to do’ become aware of it and change your thinking immediately.

I have a powerful Guilt Release Meditation that can help you with releasing this guilt so you can begin to find some Breathing Space each day. (free signup link below)

 2.  Refill your body

Spend 10 to 20 minutes (more if you can) alone each day doing something that you really love.

This is especially important for introverts and highly-sensitive people because we need this down time to recharge, unlike extroverts who feel energised when they’re around others.

This could include anything from reading, taking a bath, getting out in nature or just focusing on the breath.  Deep breathing is a very powerful tool to release stress and switch on the bodies relaxation response.  I have a 3 minute Breathing Space MP3 that can help you fit this powerful tool into your day, it’s brilliant to use before a busy part of your day to help you centre and focus (free signup link below).

3.  Rewire your brain to be present now

One of the things that’s stops us getting that Breathing Space we crave is the constant mind chatter.  We’re always thinking about the past of worrying about the future, we’re rarely right here in this moment.

Mindfulness is a powerful practice to help you stay focused on the here and now.  Bringing your attention to the present moment by focusing on one of your 5 senses can really help you switch off that mental chatter and give you a little peace.

To help I have created a Detachment Meditation which can help you step away from the constant thoughts in your mind and become the quiet observer. (link for all 3 audio’s is at the bottom of this post)

By releasing guilt, filling your body with some daily ‘me’ time and bringing your attention to the present moment you’ll be able to create a little more Breathing Space each day day.

To download your FREE Guilt Release Meditation, Breathing Space MP3 and Detachment Meditation click here.

What’s the main thing preventing you getting the Breathing Space you need each day?  Leave a comment below and we’ll see if we can find a solution!

With love

Vicky x