The definition of self-worth is “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person”
So how do you measure your own self-worth? Take a look around you and reflect on your life right now, do you have everything you have ever dreamed of? If the answer is no then your self-worth needs a lot of work, if the answer is yes let me ask you one more question, are you honestly as happy as you can be? If the answer is no then your self-worth needs some work too. If you have everything you’ve ever dreamed of but still feel like something is missing that’s because you’ve only allowed yourself to have what you think you’re worthy of, and actually you are worthy of SO much more, on a soul level you know that and that’s why it doesn’t feel ‘enough’.
Our self-worth is developed over many years, especially in childhood, and there are many things that influence it. For today I’m not going to dwell on why your self-worth may be low but what you can do about it.
The problem with low self-worth
The problem with low self-worth is that it affects every single area of your life. If you’ve read any of my blogs you know that I’m all about following your dreams and I believe whole heartedly that we can manifest anything we desire but what I’ve discovered is that we’re only able to receive that which we feel worthy of. You might be wishing and praying to the universe for all your dreams to come true but you have feel worthy of receiving them.
There is evidence everywhere you look on women’s lack of self-worth and you may recognise some of these in yourself. Take the ‘selfie’ craze for example, on the outside the obsessive selfie takers appear self-assured, their life may even appear ‘perfect’, but the truth behind the selfie is a different picture altogether. When I see a selfie I see someone trying to portray that confidence, not because they have it but because they don’t. How many selfie’s do you see with women looking rough? A #selfie is usually taken just before a night out with full makeup, hair done, eyes looking up to the camera for the best angle and the obligatory fish pout or huge ‘I’m so happy’ smile. Behind every selfie I see a self-worth issue. Your self-worth shouldn’t be placed on how you look or appear to the outside world, self-worth is an inside job.
We have success back to front
We measure our value and worth on external stuff like job titles and material things instead of on inside feelings, our skills and innate gifts. We think these external things make us a success but success is a feeling not a result.
What we focus on increases, if we focus on the feeling of success we will achieve more success, but when you measure your success on external things you feel like a failure until you attain them. I have so many goals for my future and for a very long time I believed that achieving those goals would make everything OK so I pushed hard for them and all the time inner critic shouted ‘why aren’t you there yet?’ ‘you aren’t doing enough’ ‘you’re a total fraud’, I listened, I believed it, nothing was ever ‘good enough’. Feeling ‘not good enough’ is a massive self-worth issue. If you’re feeling ‘not good enough’ then this is what you’re putting out there to the universe. You’re saying I’m not good enough to receive all those things I am asking for; you’re pushing a ‘pull to open’ door. You have to feel good enough right now in this moment.
Are you a dreamer or a doer?
So many people talk about their dreams and never take action. Dreams are great but they only come true when you act upon them. If you have a dream but haven’t done anything about it that’s another huge self-worth issue. You might think you haven’t taken action due to fear of failure or not having the necessary knowledge/skill to make it happen but it’s not, it’s your self-protection system keeping you right where you’re because deep down you don’t feel worthy of having what you really want. What you fear is success.
Ok I get it I have self-worth issues now what’s the solution?
If you’ve read this far you probably already know that you have some self-worth issues, so how do you go about increasing your self-worth? Firstly, stop measuring it on outside things like how many ‘likes’ you get or your job title and for the love of all things holy please stop comparing yourself to others! Turn your attention inward. Look at your natural strengths and abilities; this isn’t always easy as we don’t see ourselves as others do, but reflect on this and be really honest with yourself. The things that are of real value and worth are things like honesty, empathy, compassion, sensitivity, being helpful to those in need, love and kindness. When you measure your success on these attributes your self-worth increases.
Instead of focusing on your weaknesses focus on your strengths. When you notice yourself doing something good acknowledge it, say ‘hey that was a nice thing to do, I’m a good person, I’m worthy of good things!’
Be a doer not a dreamer
Yes the dreaming comes first but take action steps, every time you take a step forward your self-worth increases but you have to acknowledge that step for the success that it is. When you’re so busy trying to make things happen you miss a vital part of the creation process; you co-create with the universe! When you’re so busy trying to do it all on your own you’re missing the signs. You need to start ‘being’ more, I know this sounds counter intuitive because you think you have to keep pushing to make things happen but when you sit back and create some breathing space you’re able to hear the whispers of your soul and when you act on these you’ll find things happen so much faster.
If you are working towards a goal and you took one action step today that’s excellent, don’t think ’yeah but I should have done much more’ that’s the ‘I’m not good enough’ script running again. If you only took one small step a day that’s 365 steps a year, that’s a huge achievement, that’s what a doer does! I could easily dwell on all the things I have to do for my business but when I choose (yes it’s a choice) to reflect on all that I have already achieved I suddenly feel so much more empowered and my self-worth increases. When I feel empowered I get more done!
Lastly, I highly recommend you start practising forgiveness towards yourself and others. When we feel guilty or ashamed we are carrying around some very dense energy and this is holding you back; let it go!!
When our self-worth is low it affects every area of our life and especially the ability to manifest our dreams, here are my top 3 actionable steps that you can take today to increase your self-worth:
Step 1 Redefine your success
Stop measuring your success on external things and start focusing on who you’re as a person and the natural skills and abilities you possess. What we measure increases, if your benchmark for success is too high and based on external factors you’re going to spend your whole life feeling like a failure, when you lower the benchmark and redefine what it means to be successful then those external factors will come to you easily because you feel worthy of them.
Make a list of 10-15 of your best qualities/skills – add to this often and revisit it when you find yourself slipping into self-doubt.
Step 2 ‘Be’ more
Trust me, when you slow down and take some time to rest and just be in the moment you will not only dramatically increase your health and well-being but you will be calmer and gain more clarity.
Imagine for a moment you have a guardian angel and you’ve been asking for help. She’s trying to whisper the answer to you but you’re running around like a headless chicken, she follows you around hoping and praying that you’ll stop for just a minute so you can hear her. When you do finally stop you’re so exhausted that your energy is completely flat and you can’t hear her whisper or you dismiss it because you don’t recognise it for the divine wisdom it is. When you take time to relax, and I mean really relax, the answers to your prayers are able to sink in, flashes of insight occur and you feel inspired to take action.
Spend some time today and just sit and focus on your breath, it really is that easy. Do this daily and just see the difference it makes.
Step 3 Forgive yourself
If there are any aspects about yourself or your past that haunt you then it’s essential to forgive yourself. You don’t need to dwell on things, just bring to mind the particular issue and say in your mind ‘I forgive myself, I’m ready to let go’. Then place your hand on your heart and say ‘I’m ready to increase my self-worth’.
Practise these 3 simple steps each day and your self-worth will begin to increase, as your self-worth increases you will begin to receive all those things you’ve been waiting for!
If you found this post helpful please feel free to share it, it could give someone the boost they need right now.