A few years ago the word ‘self-love’ made me cringe.
I thought self-love was some kind of selfish, egotistical thing.
It was only when I hit rock bottom and loathed myself that I discovered what self-love was.
It’s subtle. It’s not the ‘check me out i’m awesome’ kind of love I thought it was. It’s a more gentle ‘hey I matter too’ kind of love. It’s treating yourself with the same love and kindness you do others. It’s resting when you need rest. It’s eating good food because its good for you and you deserve it. It’s being your own cheerleader more than your own critic.
But it’s not enough.
Over the years I’ve managed the whole self-love thing. I thought I had it sussed. I care for my needs, I no longer people please, I speak up when I once would have shut down, and I give my body what it needs when it needs it and its made a huge difference. But there’s something else. There’s something even deeper than love required. How can there be something deeper than love? ‘Love is all you need’ right?
You have to like yourself too.
All aspects. Yep even your ‘dark side’ the one you so desperately try to hide. Don’t worry I haven’t caught you out, we all have one. And we need to learn to accept it and like ourselves exactly as we’re.
We all have that annoying person in our life who we love deep down because they’re family but on the service they can be hard to like. well its the same for us, deep down we might master self-love but liking ourselves can be harder.
Learning to like yourself
When your ‘dark side’ shows up it probably leads into a negative spiral of self-criticism, you get all judgemental on yourself and before you know it your life’s a mess and you’re sitting in a big pool of self-pity.
You might have created the pool but you don’t have to continue to sit in the damn thing!
Next time you’re sitting in that self-pity pool offer yourself a hand out. Remember you’re human, no one is perfect, we’re all just doing the best we can with what we have. Don’t dwell on the negative or what went wrong. Forgive yourself and treat yourself like you would a friend who’s had a bad day and upset you – you’d still love her, you’d still like her, she’s still all her good points too. And so are you.
Acknowledge the parts of yourself that you don’t like and find a way to like them, you might just discover they are one of your biggest strengths. For me its my quick temper, i’m so hot headed but its this that gives me my passion, drive and determination to go for my dreams and inspire others to do the same. You’ve got to take the rough with the smooth.
Self-love is great but learning to like yourself is just as important.
I’d love to hear from you. Leave me a comment below and let me know what part of yourself you can learn to like today?